FEELING INSECURE
Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I take, and will give me food to eat and garments to wear, and I return to my father’s house in safety, then the LORD will be my God. Genesis 28:20-21
When Jacob had his famous dream of the ladder to heaven, he was so amazed that he made a vow to God: “If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I take, and will give me food to eat and garments to wear, and I return to my father’s house in safety, then the LORD will be my God.” Now, let’s pause here for a moment. Jacob seems to be bargaining with God, doesn’t he? It’s like he’s saying, “Hey, God, if you give me what I want, then I’ll believe in you.” That’s not exactly the most mature approach to faith, is it? But let’s not be too hard on Jacob. After all, he was a man with a past. He had deceived his father and stolen his brother’s blessing. He was running away from home with nothing but the clothes on his back. Maybe he was feeling a little insecure about his relationship with God
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt like you’ve messed up so badly that God could never forgive you, much less bless you? Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough for God’s love? I sure have. In those time of self-condemnation, I turn to Genesis and read about Jacob. I see his past mistakes and how he appears to bargain with God, and I realize an important spiritual truth: God’s blessings don’t depend on my goodness. His blessings depend on His grace. Jacob wasn’t perfect, but God still chose to bless him. And God will bless us, too, in spite of our past. Let’s not make the mistake of thinking that we need to earn God’s love or blessings. We can’t do it on our own. But we can trust in God’s mercy and grace, knowing that He loves us unconditionally and desires to bless us beyond what we can ask or imagine. Like Jacob, we may have doubts and fears, but we can bring them to God in prayer and ask for His guidance and provision. And as we walk with Him, we will discover that His blessings are not just material, but also spiritual, filling us with peace, joy, and a sense of purpose. In light of this, let’s not bargain with God or try to earn His favor. Instead, let’s humbly receive His grace and trust in His goodness, knowing that He is always with us on our journey of faith